Onision Drama

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The Letter

Table of Contents:
1. The letter Adrienne wrote that was released, with some parts she requested be blocked out. Also,includes letters between Adrienne and Shiloh’s mom.
2. Adrienne’s Google+ message about the letter and her experience in our chat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1
Oh God, where to start?
Even after a night of rest, and an afternoon  to collect my thoughts, this situation was such an emotional  clusterfuck for me, that accessing the vault that these thoughts are  locked away in makes my head spin. But, as promised, here we go — from  the beginning…
 
A lot of people seem to be confused on how exactly me and G met;  some people think we were friends before, some people think we contacted  each other to orchestrate some subscriber garnering publicity stunt,  and some people know the truth. The truth of how we met is cute, but  hardly newsworthy.
Long story short, I stumbled upon some of his speaks video earlier in  this year (ironically enough, while I was still dating my last ex — the  one who I wrote that long, “incriminating”, blog entry about, that G  publicly posted to seek “revenge”). Honestly, I share(d) the same view  on his speaks videos as you; they are ignorant, judgemental,  hypocritical, and close-minded, with no real life experience or formal  education to lend any form of validity, meaning, or substance to the  preachy nature of whatever his “message” for that particular video may  be. His message that lacks any message at all, that is just someone  seemingly talking to hear the sound of their own voice. But, regardless,  there is something fascinating about his speaks videos that keep you  watching. Perhaps it’s his audacity? Or, to the contrary, perhaps it’s  his naive boyish demeanor (a facade or not) that keeps you glued to the  screen, watching for the moment he finally gets it.
But, I digress — I found his videos interesting, not only because of  the entertainment factor, but from a psychologically analytical  standpoint, and so I kept watching. And watching. And watching. After me  and my boyfriend broke off our year and a half relationship towards the  end of may, I suddenly had a lot of free time — so what did I do? I  continued watching all the way through round one of the Shiloh drama. I  often found myself not only relating to Shiloh, applying her situation  to the recently extinct relationship of my own, but also wondering what I  would do in Shiloh’s shoes if I were with G instead of her. Which  subsequently lead to me wondering what it was like to date G; to be the  center of his attention, to be showered in his affection. Then I totally  face/plamed when I realized I had a crush on this person who I  absolutely love to hate. I ended up joining his forum, making a few  comments here and there, and just generally perusing his posts to see  another side of G that wasn’t connected to the negativity surrounding  his private life at the time. Eventually (we’re at mid to late August  now), I created a couple of topics of my own, one of which was directed  to the young girls writing depressing unrequited “love” stories — telling them something to the effect of, “It’s okay to take your time in  choosing the right person for you. There are 7 billion people in this  world, you’re bound to find one who will treat you right”. G apparently  liked this, and left a comment jokingly asking me when we’re getting  married, and if Friday worked for me. Jokingly, I responded, “Yes and  yes”. He gave me his e-mail and the rest is YouTube history.
 
I was curious, so I sent him an e-mail asking if we’re getting  married in LA or Austin, and within minutes he responded. We joked back  and forth until he was finally said something to the effect of, “Okay,  complete stranger! But if you want, I can fly you up here for a weekend,  we can hang out and you can watch me edit!”. The rapid rate at which  things were progressing was a little disconcerting for me, but I still  played along — my interest was peaked. I told him he should get to know  me better and then we can talk about me visiting him. I ended up giving  him my phone number, telling him it’s the easiest way to reach me,  should he care to get to know me better. Again, within minutes, he  contacted me. We texted back and forth until 3:00 AM, when I had to go  to bed. I honestly thought this was a one off shot at talking to him; I  did not expect to hear from him again.
 
Wrong.
He texted me later the next day, asking me to Skype with him when I got home from work and I agreed.
 
 
Well,  I should of taken this entire Skype session as the worlds biggest red  flag. Because within not even 5 minutes of his disinterest in anything I  was saying, and him cutting off everything I said, by talking over me  with things pertaining to him — he proceeds to tell me the astronomical  amount of money he has to pay Skye within the next 7 years, and  followed that by telling me all about a certain popular YouTuber who has  mouth herpes, and another certain popular YouTuber who propositioned  him for a threesome (in graphic and gory detail, no less). You know,  information I should not be privy to, that he has no right telling me.  Then, after him spending most of the evening grilling me about my past  relationships — including such questions as “How many people have you  slept with?” — and cutting off my answers with unrelated stories about  himself, I realized it was 2:00 AM and I needed to go to bed. I tried to  say goodnight, but he started getting very ornery with me. Saying, and I  quote: “You know, if I keep talking to you, I am going to fall for you,  I hope you’re prepared for that. Are you going to let me down?”. Hoping  this behavior was unusual for him, that perhaps it was just a bad  night, and not wanting to completely run him off because I was curious  as to where this was leading, I told him I would not let him down. We  said goodnight, I sign off.
 
The next day, we text back and forth while I’m at work. How cute! I  get home from work at around midnight and get a text saying, “I’m ready  to Skype when you are!”. I guess I didn’t get the memo that Skyping  every single night was a mandatory requirement here — so I politely  declined, citing that I was exhausted and didn’t feel or look my best,  and asked if we could reschedule for the following night. Again, with  the ornery behavior; he told me I wasn’t “fighting for love” (…who  fucking knows) and that someone who is genuinely interested in him (who  cares about me, right?) would want to Skype him all night — that  “a little exhaustion shouldn’t keep you from the one you love”. Please,  keep in mind that this was the third night I had ever spoken to this  man. Again, I politely declined and his response was him pulling away,  telling me that he can’t be with someone so emotionally vacant, and if I  want something real with him that I know where to find him and what I  have to do.
 
So you know what I did? I went to bed. As I lacked enough vodka and  the ability to get so hammered that something like that might actually  make enough sense to stay up deal with it.
I mean, Jesus Christ!  Within 3 days, this man made it pretty clear he wasn’t fond of the idea  of me drinking, yet I have never encountered anything or anyone who has  made me want to chug a handle of cheap vodka more than him. What’s even  scarier is that, even so, I liked the man! I genuinely liked him! What’s  going on here?!
 
I wake up the next morning to a series of texts from him saying that  he’s not right in the head, that he’s not over the e-fling he was  having with Miss menage a trois (or was it the ex-girlfriend from 10  years ago he had just started talking to again? I can’t fucking  remember), and that he isn’t going to be around or make himself  available to me anymore. I responded with a very cold and callous text,  telling him that I don’t appreciate being chewed up and spit back out,  especially when he isn’t the only one with feelings here. I told him if  this is what he wants, so be it, and I said goodbye.
 
He called me immediately… to talk about the person he is upset over  — I wasn’t amused. He quickly realized that trying to manipulate me  into a jealous frenzy wasn’t working, and somehow managed to re-route  the conversation, and relevance of bringing up the other girl, into him  working things out with me — he was so sweet and charming, so I  accepted when he said he wanted another shot with me. We made a Skype  date for later that evening.
 
This is where he tells me he is falling in love with me, tells me I  shouldn’t be afraid to love him too, and asked me to be his girlfriend.  Against my better judgement, I accepted — what can I say, I was smitten  with the boy. (He also asked me to marry him, but I just giggled it  off). He kept telling me how beautiful I am, how smart I am, how funny I  am — it had been a while since I’d heard anyone say those things to  me, and he knew that. He really punched a huge hole in my defensive  wall, and any remaining bricks of resistance he basically forced me to  tear down myself, with guilt trips (“You don’t really love me if you  don’t do this for me”) and scare tactics (“I don’t think I can be with  somebody who…”) — making me feel like there was something wrong with  me for not wanting his love or to love him in return. It was unnerving  and I felt vulnerable, but the damage had already been done — I went  along with it.
He started asking me to move out to Los Angeles to live with him, so we  can give our relationship a fair shot. He said that everything would be  easier if we were face to face. I told him that this is all happening a  little too fast for my taste and that I would absolutely love to fly out  there for a weekend to spend time with him, to make sure us dating is  something either of us actually want, as we barely knew each other, but  he was not pleased with my answer. He became offended and upset. He  started making completely asinine statements, such as: “If I really  loved someone, I would give up everything to be with them. Love is the  most important thing in my life!”. To which I responded with, “If I  really loved someone and they really loved me, I would trust them not to  have unrealistic expectations of me like that”, and to completely  diffuse the situation, I smiled, flipped my hair, and told him, “Let’s  hangout first and see what happens. Who knows, maybe I wont want to go home. Just be patient with me”. There was no arguing that, he settled down.
 
It felt like the more I turned up my nose his attempts at  controlling the situation, the more extravagant his next attempt would  be. It was like the ultimate game of pong; back and forth, until one of  us would slip up, and then it’s game over.
I want you to remember, this is still night 3 of us talking. Not 3 years, not 3 months, not 3 weeks, 3 days.  Please notice how he is already throwing the L word around — as if he  is using it to control me and invoke fear, rather than to express any  genuine feelings for me.
 
Then the conversation got really warped and sexual. He started  asking me how I felt about uncircumcised penises, proceeded to tell me  about his, then ask me all sorts of sexual questions about myself. He  asked me about how I protect myself during sex, I told him I cannot find  a birth control pill that’s right for me, so I use condoms. I, however,  made the mistake of telling him that I am allergic to them, so  ultimately it ends up being painful for me. I joked around saying that  I’d rather be pregnant than use the alternative and shove lamb hide  inside of me, and I guess he took me seriously. Because he responded,  “Well, it’s settled, we wont use condoms them”. I asked him “What if I  get pregnant?”, and he told me we’d cross that bridge when we come to  it, and implied that having a mini-me might not be such a bad thing  later down the line. (I did not realize that he meant, like, 2 weeks).
Even though I objected to or was offended by everything he was saying, I  didn’t have the emotional energy to be assertive and tell him how I  really felt — as, by this point, I was frightened by his unstable  emotions and was scared he might never speak to me again if I upset him.  I was utterly terrified of making him angry. In 3 days he had already  found ways to manipulate me and make me feel like my life would be  mundane and worthless without him being in it — I didn’t want to  challenge him.
 
Oh, but then he tells me when we live together, we’re waiting a month before we have sex. Err.
 
Eventually  he ended up telling me that one of the times him and Shiloh broke up  was because he had a problem jerking off to Hentai and she was disgusted  by it. Before I had time to finish being disgusted myself, finish  throwing up in my mouth and disconnect the call, he started talking  about just Shiloh. Even though I felt that indulging in more of  his trash-talking was a selfish and sleazy move on my part, once again,  curiosity got the better of me, and I set my morals aside to hear what  he had to say.
 
He told me that Shiloh is a psychotic pathelogical liar — that  almost every word that comes out of her mouth is fabricated or designed  to hurt someone. I think it goes without saying that he told me he  didn’t believe she was pregnant and that she lied entirely about losing  her memory — that she admitted it to him later. He told me that she was  controlling and wouldn’t let him not only talk to other girls, but look  at them in movies (and I don’t mean the  Hentai kind, I mean summer  blockbuster kind). He told me that his tattoos were her idea — that she  wanted him to get them to recommit himself to her after one of the many  times they broke up. She got his name on the back of her neck and he  was supposed to get her name on his wrist, but he changed his mind at  the last second, after she had gotten hers, and chose something far more  vague; “Remember Love”. He told me that he was the only one she had  told about how she was born with both genitals, but somehow, as a baby,  opted for cosmetic surgery to go the female route. He told me that she  claimed to have lost her virginity to him, but believes that when she  told him she was “brutally raped” several times, that they were just her  ex-boyfriends and that she didn’t have the courage to admit to him that  she wasn’t a virgin. He told me when they were dating they would drive  to or meet up in any states they could where 17 was the legal age of  consent — they didn’t just meet up that one time, as they lead people  to believe with their videos. How’s this for messed up: he even went as  far as to tell me that his mother informed him that when they  were broken up but still living together — and G wouldn’t have sex with  her anymore (but would buy her sex toys and show her how to use them — yes, I am serious) — that Shiloh tried to force his little dog to eat  her out, and the dog got scared, so it bit her in the crotch. Then he  said something about Shiloh peeing on his bed and blaming the dog? I  don’t even know, by this point I was terrified and stopped listening. It was time for me to fucking go to bed.
 
(And just to put possible thoughts in the back of your mind to rest  — I have absolutely no beneficial reason to make any of this up in a private e-mail that, hopefully, only you  will be seeing. Hell, I don’t think I could make this up if I wanted  to, man. I am telling you about the “reconstructive surgery” and alleged  beastiality in the strictest of  confidence, as means of you understanding how seriously warped and disgusting these people are! True or not, it’s all sickening!)
 
Anyway, as I was saying, I went off to bed and tried to pretend like that didn’t just happen.
 
Somewhere  within the next few days, we have *gasp* another completely ridiculous  and unnecessary argument, started entirely by him. As per usual, it  involved Skype!
I guess I had forgotten about the mandatory Skype requirements of being  his girlfriend and naively made plans to hang out with my friends,  instead of Skype all night with him. Even though I gave him an advance  warning that I wouldn’t be able to chat, I was being foolish and thought  maybe he could salvage his night and go do something fun himself.  Unacceptable. He immediately calls me to tell me that I don’t truly love  him, that once again, I am not “fighting for love”. He told me he  doesn’t understand how I can choose my friends over him, that in order  to be with him, that I “have to prioritize him over everyone”.  Then we ended up getting into this additional argument where I asked  him, “What’s going to happen if we live together and I want to go out  with my friends one night?”. His response was, “Well, I’ll go with! We  are supposed to do everything together!”. I added, “I meant without  you”. He told me he thought I was being shady and he doesn’t deserve to  be treated like this. Even though I thought he was acting like a 5 year  old cult leader in the making, we played phone tag for about an hour — eventually I got him on the line long enough to tell him that  friendships require constant maintenance and I am not going to neglect  the people I love because he is insecure with being left alone for a  little while. I told him that when I said I am not going to neglect the  people I love, that I meant him as well — that there is such a thing as  time management. I told him that healthy adult couples require time  apart — what’s the point is having me share my life with him, when I  have no life, other than HIM, to share; he might as well date himself.
 
Did I mention that during all of this, my friends had come to my  house and were sitting in the living room waiting for me while I was  arguing with G? And eventually I became so overwhelmingly frustrated  that I had to send them home, ultimately to buckle under the pressure  and Skype him. But hey, I scratch his back, he scratches mine, right? I  Skyped like he wanted, so in return he admitted I was right, that he was  acting childish and that I can hang out with my friends whenever I  want. Thanks. Even though a few days later, he pulled the same stunt,  but this time I was at my friends house, not at home and completely  unable to Skype even if I wanted to.
 
Since I was preoccupied and unable to tend to my phone blowing up  with calls and texts every 5 minutes, he started making ridiculous  ultimatums and demands that had absolutely nothing to do with anything  — “You tell me RIGHT NOW that you’re going to move here in a week or  IT’S OVER! THIS IS THE FINAL TIME!”. Huh? That’s when the countdown  started — “You have ONE HOUR TO ANSWER ME OR IT’S DONE FOR GOOD!”…  “46 minutes!”… “32 minutes!”… “16 minutes!”. I shit you not, this happened.
 
So, at this point I proceeded to get obliterated, hammered, fall on  my ass, piss drunk and send him pictures of Chocobo as my responses. As  I’m sure you can imagine, that didn’t go over too well.
 
From that  point on details are fuzzy, but I do know that I ended up calling him  at 2 in the morning crying uncontrollably and screaming at him for  hours. Apparently, according to him, I reamed him a new one and he  learned his lesson to never try and come between me and my friends. It  was never an issue from that moment on.
 
Over the next day or so, things finally felt, well, as stable as  they possibly could. And what I mean by that is that G wasn’t  unnecessarily angry with me over nothing, which meant that I could  breathe easy.
So, I was making friendly banter with him, via text  message. I told him I was excited because I just ordered new jewelry for  my septum piercing, because one of the little balls unscrewed and fell  off, so I had to wear the jewelry flipped up. Even though he knew I had a  septum piercing before he asked me to be his girlfriend, he proceeded  to tell me that he thinks they are ugly and implied that he thought I  should take it out, because it is “disrespecting my body”.
 
I became unequivocally, unabashedly, downright fucking furious that I  went off on him. I told him that he has absolutely no right to try and  change how I look, or who I am, and that if he really “loves” ME, he  would love and accept all of me. That there’s no ‘buts’ when it  comes to love; love is unconditional or it’s not love at all. Then he  got angry, then I got angrier, then he got even more angry than that.  Then, as expected, he dumped me, and I spent the next couple of hours  ignoring his angry texts and frantic phone calls — until his fury  filled mania subsided and he realized how ridiculous he was being and  called me crying, to apologize for everything. I decided not to just  grin and bear it like I have in the past, but to be completely honest  with him. I reminded him that I am a 26 year old adult, who is far more  experienced not only in relationships, but life, than he is and that I  know when I’m being manipulated. That every word that comes out of his  mouth is his way of trying to manipulate me into giving him something he  wants — I said to him, “Wouldn’t it just be easier to ask, instead of  fighting for it all the time?”. I told him that I am willing to  compromise in certain areas, for the sake of maintaining a healthy and  functional relationship where both parties are satisfied, but I  absolutely refuse to change myself or who I am, merely  to accommodate  someone’s overly sensitive ego.
He toggled between crying, and being silly ‘I’m a banana’ G — he didn’t  know how to process what I had said to him. He told me that no one has  ever spoken to him the way I have before, that I was right — every word  out of his mouth was him trying to manipulate me, that he is a very  conniving and manipulative person. He told me that he’s not used to  dating women, that in relationships, he’s used to playing  babysitter,[…]. He told me that my independence and free will scare him and  he doesn’t know how to handle it.
He also expressed to me that he wasn’t used to having to keep his  private life private, that he was used his significant other being  actively involved in his YouTube “career” — as I had asked him to keep  everything between us private. Which I think is funny, looking at his  most recent videos where he is begging for the privacy I begged him for a  month or so ago.
 
Anyway, we made up. A few days of peace and quiet went by, until he  started demanding I move out there again. I told him I can’t do that,  but rather, I want to meet him face to face and spend some quality  bonding time first. He told me to ask my boss for time off, I agreed.
It took me forever to get my boss to respond to me, but more or less, he  told me he couldn’t give me any up coming weekends fully off. So G  booked a plane ticket for him to come out here. He also booked a hotel  room, because he didn’t “feel comfortable intruding on my roommates  house” — riiiiiight,
 
This all brought me back to that period of time, a few weeks prior,  where I was watching his videos on youTube, wondering what it was like  to be in Shiloh’s shoes — strangely enough, now I know.
 
So, G  flies out here. Get’s his rental car and comes to my house to pick me  up. In a black mustache and his Chibi wig — I thought it might break  the ice if we both looked ridiculous when we met, so I had on a black  mustache too. It honestly just made everything more uncomfortable.  Especially when our mustaches got tangled, which made for an awkward  first kiss. A kiss that happened in the first 10 seconds of us meeting.
We drove back to his hotel room, we walk in the door, I set down my bag  and instantaneously he starts making out with me. He immediately starts  taking off articles of my clothing, and we had only been there for not  even 30 seconds. He gets me on the bed, still kissing me and touching me  — between his kisses was me going “nononononono”, and him kissing me  harder to shut me up. I finally pull away long enough to remind him that  he said we were supposed to wait a month, and that maybe we should get  to know each other in person a day or two before we jump into having  sex. He asks me “Why?” as he continues kissing me. Eventually I realized  I was fighting an uphill battle, so I gave up and just went with it.
(I’ve already said this on my Google+, but I want to reiterate that he  did not rape me — but there is a fine line between being forced to do  something and being pressured to do something. I just felt rushed is  all.)
 
During sex, he’s looking me in the eye, petting my hair, and asking  me if I want him to cum in me. I told him only if we can get Plan B in  the morning. He looks at me with these disappointed and frustrated eyes,  and says “Don’t you want to be pregnant with my child? Come on, let’s  make babies together!”, I told him absolutely not. And he still came in  me anyway. Luckily for me, he’s not that big of a creeper that he  refused to get me Plan B the next morning.
 
Basically the first 2 days of him being in Austin was him repeatedly  trying to have sex with me, cutting off everything I was saying to ask  me a sexual question or to make a sexual innuendo. It got to the point  that we got into an argument about it, because it was legitimately  starting to hurt my feelings. For some reason or another, he would take  me being frustrated and argumentative as a sexual challenge, and would  pin me to the bed and basically try to fuck me (or, as he says, “make  love”) into submission. It became pointless to try and fight it, so I  let him do whatever he wanted — which resulted in him cumming in me  countless times after the Plan B had worn off. With him citing: “If you  get pregnant, I will immediately marry you and will step up as the role  of the father for our child”. What a turn on.
 
Oh well, c’est la vie when you’re involved in the life of this man. I suppose.
 
Later  that evening, morbid curiosity struck again — I knew all about Shiloh,  but what about Skye? After we had finished “making love” for the  umpteenth time, and were rolling around in the sheets, I asked him what  kept him with Skye for so long, for him to tell me about her.
[…]
I legitimately felt so bad for Skye that I had to tell him to stop  talking and that I’d heard enough. At least the Shiloh stuff was  laughable, this was just sad.
 
I made him put in Star Trek and change the subject.
 
After the first day or two of him being in Austin, he legitimately  asked me to marry him. He told me that when I move out there, we’ll go  ring shopping. He offered me the moon and the stars, and promised to be  everything I’ve ever wanted in a boyfriend, fiance or husband — that  the only thing causing problems is the distance between us and to just  give him a chance. We decided that I, indeed, would move out there — that at the end of that month (it was September 10th at this point) he  would drive out to Austin, we’d pick up my belongings, drive back and  live happily ever after.
 
I had asked him about my animals — as he said, he did, in fact,  offer to pay for the pet deposit at his apartment to bring my animals.  but he followed that statement with telling me how unbelievably  expensive it will be and how there is no room for my animals, and  nowhere to put their litterbox. What else was I supposed to do? I  clearly couldn’t bring them.
 
However, I also asked him about job related stuff and money — he  told me that I could work for him, run the contact page on his forum and  respond to people that he didn’t have time to respond to himself, and  that he would pay me for it. He also told me he would teach me to edit  videos, so I could help him get his stuff out faster, since apparently  YouTube has him on a deadline. (I guess? I don’t understand this YouTube  crap). He said I could do this permanently, since apparently his money  would be mine if we are engaged, or I could do this until I was able to  land a job of my own elsewhere.
I mean, have a couple of close friends who live in LA, who I know would  help me should I go out there and things end up in disaster — so I  decided to just go for it.
 
Regardless of some kinks here and  there, how outlandish the entire situation was, and the fact that he had  been trash-talking and farting all evening, things seemed like they  were falling into place, like me and him had a real chance this time.  Maybe he had a point all along. Because, truth be told, I did feel a  sense of validation having him in front of me, without him being a  mish-mash of text and pixels. What a fucking mistake.
 
It took just 12 hours for all of that to unravel. Do you want to know what I had to fucking deal with the next day? Oh my GOD!
 
First  of all, let me just say that G talks in his sleep. Like, continuously  throughout the night, clear as day and loud as hell, so it took me until  dawn to finally fall into a deep sleep. But, oh my GOD, I’ve been dying  to tell someone this aside from my best friends in real life! Let me  tell you how I woke up the next morning! Please grab a towel to sit on  before you read this, because you will pee yourself with laughter. I don’t know how I managed to keep my composure when it was happening to me.
 
*G shaking and tapping me*
Me: I roll over, sleepy eyed, “What?!”
Him: “Do you suck me?!”
Me: “Wha… no?…?!?!?! What the fuck?!”, I roll over and go back to sleep.
 
I  wish you could hear how he says it. He refers to blowjays as being  “sucked on”. Ugh, ew! When he wants a beej, he goes, “Suck me?!”. He  says it kind of like an Asian man at a restaurant, asking you if you  would like some additional “Suk mi” with your order. And he always says  it with a raised inflection on the “me”, so it always sounds like a  question. It is really very tragic.
 
I slept for another hour or so, until he woke me up a second time — asking, “Are you mad at me?!”. Once again, my response was more or  less: “Whaaa…??? No?!?! I am asleep, what the fuck are you talking  about?!?!” — and I rolled over and attempted to go back to sleep. He  told me that he had a bad dream, where we were fighting, and he needed  me to “love him” and “hold him now” (Yes, like the Thompson Twins song),  because he was “scared”. This was completely beyond me, this was too  stupid for even me to put up with. I told him I was fucking asleep,  I have no idea what he’s talking about, and that he’s being ridiculous  and to go back to bed. He responded by angrily turning over and covering  his head with the blanket. Like a 5 year old. I rolled my eyes and went  back to sleep.
I wake up a couple hours later, still slightly annoyed, but hopped in  the shower and proceeded to get dressed and ready anyways, so by the  time G woke up, we’d be able to go out for lunch like we had made plans  to do the night before. I wasn’t going to let anything ruin my last full  day with him. He, however, had other plans.
 
I was sitting behind a partition in the room, finishing up the last  little bit of my makeup, when I hear, “ADRIENNE?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!”. To  which I replied, as would anyone else with a firm grasp on the English  language and possibly reality, “What?!”. WELL, that was the final straw for HIM, let me tell you!
He doesn’t respond, so I figure something is wrong. I walk out from  behind the partition and he is curled up in a ball, on the bed, with the  blanket pulled up to his eyes, on the verge of tears. At this point,  I’ve dealt with far beyond my maximum capacity of this premenstrual,  crybaby, bullshit for the day, and bluntly ask him, “What the fuck are  you doing?!”. He ignored me for around 5 minutes, while I am asking him  such questions as: “Are you seriously mad because I responded with  “WHAT” when you called my name? What the fuck did you expect me to do,  bust out in song and dance?!”, “Are you still seriously upset about this  morning?”, “Why the hell are you crying?!”. He finally responded…
 
"Never in my life have I met someone as unloving as you. I came to  you this morning, scared, looking for you to hold me, but you have not  loved me. I did not like how you said "What" to me, it was angry and  violent. I don’t deserve to be treated this way".
 
My response?
 
A 30 second pause, followed by:
"……………………. are you fucking for real?!?!?!?!?!?!".
 
The  argument went round in circles, until he realized I wasn’t going to let  him win and I wasn’t going to back down. So, he proceeded to call me a  troll, and go on a tirade of character insults, until I zoned him out  and started texting my friends that I might need rescuing shortly, that  he has officially lost his mind. I warned him that if this didn’t stop I  would leave, but he kept pressing the issue, and remained curled in a  ball, and hiding under the blankets. I told him that I wasn’t going to  spend my day off that I could of been at work making much needed money, or at the very least going out and enjoying the day,  sitting in a dark room with someone who is crying and insulting me. So,  again, I tell him his options are stop, or I respond to one of my 4  friends on standby, waiting for me to give the word to come get me. Even  STILL, I hovered my finger over the send button, and I said, “This is  your last chance, all I have to do is hit send — are you done?”. Nope! *sent*
 
Then he was actually surprised when I was gathering my things and  making my way towards the door, he dumped me right before I left. I told  him HE did this, HE chose this, NOT ME. As I was walking out, I told him, “Call me when you grow up” and slammed the door. I was home within 15 minutes.
 
I checked his facebook and saw that he was taking one of his long  showers, that usually last a couple of hours or so. I figured he’d calm  down and contact me to come back later, so I waited around, kept my  phone close by. Well, he DID text me, and told me he bought a plane  ticket to leave later that evening, that he couldn’t bear to be in  Austin all by himself. Even though his flight left the next morning,  but… okay.
I decided to call him, because even though he had just spent the morning emotionally tormenting me, and he dumped me,  I didn’t want him departing Austin on such a horrible note. So, we  talked and he told me that the ticket for that afternoon is already  purchased, but he still has the ticket reserved for the next morning, he  asked me if I wanted to come back to the hotel and talk things through,  I said yes.
Well, I get there and he is still being horribly argumentative with me. I  tried to remain calm, levelheaded, rational and do the whole ‘kill ‘em  with kindness’ shtick — I couldn’t hold out for very long, he pushed my  buttons too many times. I snapped on him.
 
I went off on a tirade of my own.
"Are you fucking serious right  now? You are a 25 year old grown adult and you’re sitting here, curled  up in a ball, crying, with the blankets pulled over your head. And WHY?  Because I didn’t want to cuddle you this morning? Are you fucking for  real? Do you know how pathetic that is?! You’re a grown fucking man, and  you can’t even stand up for yourself. You know, when we get into  arguments, I’d rather you punch me in the fucking face, than sit here  and cry like a little BITCH!".
It was so strange, yet miraculous — there was this pause and then he looked up at me with these Puss-in-Boots eyes (example: click here),  and said, “Oh my GOD, you’re right!” and snapped out of it. Even though  he was pretty quiet the rest of the evening, we had a great time.  Everything was fine! Even the next morning before he left, he told me  once again that I am the first person to talk to him and treat him like  an adult, like an equal, and that he owes me so much for how much I’ve  apparently helped him grow in the short time we’d been together so far.  We spent the rest of the morning talking about our move. He dropped me  off at home, we had a romantic goodbye kiss, and off he went to the  airport.
 
This story is getting ridiculously long and time consuming, so let  me just say that he was awesome over the next couple of days, he pretended like he understood and cared about my emotional needs very well. But, as always, his insecurities and subsequential mania got the best of him.
To make another long mini story in this gargantuan novel I’ve written  short — a few nights later, G decided randomly one evening, while I was  at work, and certainly not intoxicated, that he did not like  that I occasionally drink (even though in the hotel we discussed my  past, and he told me that my past is exactly that — as long as it stays  that way, we’ll be fine — I took his word for it. Ooops!). The only  thing I can think of that spawned his sudden “revelation” was that I  made it pretty clear one of the stipulations in regards to me moving, is  that he has to give me adequate time to say goodbye to my  friends, to have some alone time with them before he came out to Austin  to pick me and my belongings up, to share some goodbye dinner and drink nights with them.  He couldn’t understand that me wanting alone time with my friends was  not a suggestion that I didn’t want to spend time with him as well.
Either way, he decided to call me several times at work, to where I had  to walk outside and talk to him, JUST to get my phone to STOP ringing or  vibrating — he made up this ridiculous ultimatum for me; either I  promise him right now that I will forever quit drinking, or were over. I  told him he is being completely ridiculous and there’s no need to even  be having this conversation right now. Still, I humored him and tried to  reason with him; I told him I would not promise him anything, that he  should just learn to trust me to not put myself into situations where a  drunken Adrienne can make poor decisions and that he should trust me to  do right by him. He responded with, “You’re absolutely right, but I  don’t think that I can date someone knowing they drink, I don’t think  we’ can be together, but I’m not dumping you”. He literally held a  conversation with himself consisting of that same sentence repeated, but  worded slightly different every time he said it.
He then told me he made a facebook poll, asking his fans if they would  quit drinking if their significant other asked them to. He said, “Only  99 people said no, a few thousand said yes! What does that say to you?”.  I told him, “It says absolutely nothing — your viewer demographic  consists mostly of 16 year olds, who not only have no realistic life  experience, nor any relationship experience, they also are not of legal  age to drink and have no place participating in a poll talking about  alcohol consumption”. Pwned. And, thus, he deleted it.
 
Still, this shit went on for hours, until he realized that, once again, he isn’t going to win, so he temporarily backed off.
 
Honestly,  dude? So much nonsensical bullshit went on between us that what happens  after this, up until the last time we spoke is all one big blur.  However, something after this night happened, God only knows what  it was, that, once again, upset him. I remember us arguing, I remember  that once again I got dumped and once again he started sending me 5 part  texts messages saying how much he loves me, but he can’t handle being  “treated this way” anymore. I’m sure he told me I was being violent when  I was speaking to him calmly, I’m sure he said I’m disrespecting him  when he’s telling me everything that’s wrong with me, I’m sure he said  things like: “This is the final time!” and “You have not fought for  love!”. Blah, blah, blah. Basically, he called me and told me that if I  didn’t “drop everything” to go be with him in Los Angeles right now  (even though I was moving there in 2 or 3 weeks anyways), that this was  over and there was “no point”. What was scary is that he wasn’t being  frantic like he normally is when we fight, he was saying these things to  me as calmly and collected as if he were asking me the time of day.  this change in attitude made me start to panic, because I didn’t  know how to handle it. So, for fear of losing him, or at the very least  losing him without having the upper hand and feeling rejected, I  entertained the idea of complying with his wishes.
I asked him about my animals, he told me to figure it out myself. I  asked him about my job and money, he said figure it out yourself. I  asked him about my belongings, he asked me if I really need them and  then told me to figure it out myself. He told me the only thing he was  willing to help me with was the plane ticket there. I told him I’d do  what he wanted if he compromised a little bit — I told him there is  absolutely no way I am giving up my belongings, he said pack them up and  store them and he’ll pay for them to get shipped in a few weeks. I  asked him about working for him until I get my own job — he said the  offer still stands. My only real issues were re-homing my animals and  quitting my job — the latter I stalled on doing, out of fear that  something would go wrong and I’d be homeless and jobless.
 
He gave me one week from that day to sort everything out and went ahead and bought my plane ticket.
 
I  waited a couple of days, to see if he’d change his mind — but he  seemed happy and  things felt normal. So I went into work with the  intent of quitting, and I sent him a text saying, “I am about to quit my  job, you know this is real and official if I do — you have to PROMISE  ME that you’re not going to change your mind on this, and that I am not  going to end up without a home or means to support myself”. He promised,  I quit my job.
 
As always, things went horribly, horribly wrong.
 
A day later,  or perhaps it was even that same night, I went to my friends house and  paid for his fiance, who is a licensed massage therapist to fix my neck,  shoulders and back, because I have chronic pain issues (which G knows  about). He was fine with this, he was fine with me not Skyping him (in  fact he had laid off since he knew I was going out there in a few days,  and let me do whatever I wanted without bitching about it). It was when I  went home and made a facebook status update on my friends only, private  account — referring to my massage as a “sensual” one in an obviously  joking manner that he got upset. He saw my status, and called me, just  short of screaming. He started telling me that I have disrespected, and  publicly humiliated him, because I was writing inappropriate things on  my personal facebook. He told me that because I am bisexual, that by  nature I am inclined to be promiscuous and that I shouldn’t let anyone  but him touch me. That because I am bisexual, I cannot be trusted — that I have been inappropriate with a member of one of the sexes I am  attracted to. (One of the, uh, two sexes that actually exist).
I was so beyond flabbergasted that I made another status update, vaguely  saying that I can’t be trusted because I am bisexual. Yes, this was  unwise and very immature. My friends, not knowing who or what this was  about, commented on it, saying that whoever thinks that was is a  misinformed douchebag. He read all of the comments and felt like a  complete dipshit and got even more frustrated, except with himself, not  me — but of course, I bore the brunt of this. He dumped me. Again.
Regardless of what he has said and done to me, I felt bad for hurting  his feelings and tried desperately to rationalize with me. I BEGGED him  to Skype with me. He finally accepted my video call, and all he did was  stare angrily into the camera at me and say absolutely nothing. So, I  tried making cute faces to make him smile, but he disconnected the call  and texted me saying that I disrespected him by mocking him. I asked him  again to Skype me, he refused. I messaged him on Skype to try and get  him to at least chat with me, he refused. He deleted me off his personal  facebook, so I sent him a message, he ignored it. I sent an e-mail to  his personal and business acounts apologizing for hurting his feelings  (which he didn’t deserve, but I also didn’t deserve being dumped),  begging him to talk to me. I called him multiple times, no answer. All I  got was a couple of texts saying that we’re over and he never wants to  speak to me again. Considering the severity of the situation, I decided  to back off and heed his wishes. I deleted all of his contact  information, from my phone or otherwise — as I said on Google+, I  ubsubscriped, unliked, unfollowed, and unfriended everything I could  think of. Basically exactly what I said on that infamous post on my  Google+ sums it up from that point on.
He called me a few times while I was asleep, made that video of him  calling me while I was asleep, and texted me the next morning breaking  up with me yet again, though I had not spoken to him since the night  before.
 
I went back to work, and as I wrote on Google+, and begged for my job  back. I told him the night before, that he has until 5:00 pm the next  day to change his mind about breaking up with me, because once I get my  job back I’m not quitting it again. Of course at 6:00 pm is when he  started frantically trying to contact me. Texting me, telling me he  needs to me save him, that he is dead. He started psycho dialing me  shortly after. Still, I was busy at work and decided to leave well  enough alone for the time being.
When I finally found some down time at work, I texted him back. I asked  him what he was trying to accomplish by texting me, that he was the one  who broke up with me. I more or less conveyed to him that you can only  keep pushing someone away before one that, they don’t come back. That’s  when his snarky STD commentary on his facebook and twitter started.  That’s where the STD test videos began. I was unaware of any of this  until I had gotten home from work — that’s when I wrote the Google+  post. I backed away, turned off my computer, and ignored anything having  to do with the situation.
 
It was the next night, while hanging out at a friends house, that I  was formed of his continued immaturity and attempted smear campaign, so I  decided to sign on facebook and check it out for myself while I had the  support of my friends. That’s when the plot thickened — I saw that  Shiloh had added me to her personal account, and had sent me a message  saying that she saw what I wrote on my Google+, that she went through  the exact same thing with him and that if I need someone to talk to,  she’s there for me. Again, with the whole morbid curiosity thing — I  added her back, thanked her for her support and gave her my number and  told her to call me if she ever feels so inclined. Well, she felt  inclined 15 minutes later, unfortunately I was busy and unable to answer  the call. I figured I’d call her back the next day.
 
And oh, that next day.
 
Where I started my day talking to  Shiloh on the phone, and ended it with a 10 hour period of time, he  called me 27 times, left 13 voicemails, 10 texts, 4 videos, 4 comments  on Google+, an e-mail and a facebook message. There is probably more  that I am forgetting, but you get the point. In between this, I had  Shiloh calling me several times as well, because he was also calling  her, in the midst of calling me. I ended my night by drunkenly Skyping  her, making fun of his “shortcomings”, while Shiloh acted out with her  roommate how G would scream […]’s sisters name when they had sex — he  apparently told her that he used to fantasize about sleeping with […]’s  sister when they were married, and accidentally would call out […]’s  sister’s name when he would sleep with Shiloh. She also told me that  night that her and G had been seeing each other, or “talking” for a  year, prior to when they broke up (and had said it several other times  in various other conversations we had). They broke up in July, didn’t he  file for divorce from Skye in January? Again, I just feel bad for Skye.
 
In G’s 13 voicemails (of which I have downloaded, saved  to a flash drive, and have made an explanatory video, featuring all of  the voicemails back to back, I was going to upload on YouTube if I  needed to — thanks to the wonders of Google Voice) — he starts of by  telling me that almost everything I am saying is accurate and true. That  he is truly sorry for all he has done, that he loves me, and more or  less is begging for me to take him back. That he hasn’t canceled the  plane ticket and if I text him and tell him I’m boarding the plane,  he’ll be there waiting to pick me up with flowers in hand. After that he  decides to randomly tell my voicemail how he had called Shiloh earlier  in the day to discuss her apparent pregnancy, and because she wouldn’t  pee on a pregnancy test in front of him on Skype, that she wasn’t really  pregnant and that, “Yay! I’m not a Daddy”, or something to that effect.  Then towards the end, he starts going down a depressing, and  increasingly angry, spiral. The last voicemail threatening to “expose  me”, because he is angry with me for not responding to him in a whopping  10 hour period of time. He took it upon himself to post on his website a  completely unrelated LiveJournal entry I had made months prior,  directed towards the girl my ex-boyfriend left me for — as a rebuttal  to something she had written me. However, he, as well as most of his  followers, quickly realized he is an idiot and he deleted it an  hour later. After that he started sending me texts saying I don’t know  true love and he feels sorry for me, “Goodbye”, etc. Still, after all of  this, I did not respond or try to contact him one time.
 
Over the next day or so, Shiloh called me REPEATEDLY (sometimes  crying hysterically), apparently seeking my advice on how she should  handle G, because apparently he was now doing the same thing to her,  that he had just done to me. Calling her repeatedly, saying how much he  loves and misses her, and is begging for her back. I even have a  voicemail she left me, saying that this was the 16th time he had called  her that day. He told her he had bought her a plane ticket (aka: got a  credit for the ticket he bought for me that was unused) to see him in  the next couple of days. She was calling me for willpower to say no to  his advances, but apparently my advice fell on deaf ears and her past  experiences were not enough to sway her from falling into his trap.  Though it was a trap she was seeking out — She made it very clear she  was only prying for information from both of us, to wedge herself  between us and utilize me as a stepping stool to get closer to him. That  blog post she made (and deleted shortly after) about us being friends  was complete rubbish — as days later she was making videos in his room,  on his camera, making fun of my private parts. When I had never said or  did anything to this girl to deserve being treated so poorly. In fact,  all I had ever done was try to be her friend and be supportive of her.
She told me that she was going to  fly to go stay with her Mother (she also apparently told her Mother  this as well) to think things through. She even called me from the  airport, saying she was waiting to board her plane and was telling me  how excited she was to see her mother. When in reality, she knew full  well she was boarding a plane to go see G.
 
When I got the facebook message from her mother, confirming that she  was with G — I posted on Shiloh’s wall, saying that she didn’t need to  lie to me, what she chooses to do in her personal life is her business  — but that she needs to know if this fails, she has no one to blame but  herself this time and that I am removing myself from the situation. I  told her I wish her the best and deleted her as a friend. Aside from the  aforementioned videos, I never heard from her again.
 



o  September 24
o    [Shiloh’s mom]
 
 hey  Adrienne„he sucked her in again„„she flew out to L.A.  today…..there’s no one in this world that i hate more than this poor  excuse for a man……he’s going to destroy her yet
 



o  September 24
o    Adrienne Jourgensen
 
 I  knew she was not telling me the truth, and I kind of figured this would  happen. I tried everything I could to talk some sense into her, being  one of the very few people on this planet who can relate to her, as I  have walked in her shoes.
 
 I have voicemails he left me, of him trash talking her, then the  next day he goes and starts calling her because he felt rejected by me  and he knows she’s vulnerable and easily manipulated.
 
 He told me  not only in person, but on the phone, over Skype and in the voicemails I  have saved that he doesn’t believe she is pregnant — then the next day  calls her, begging for her to give him a second “for the sake of the  baby”.
 
 Even though I do not appreciate her lying to me, she is a young girl  (I am 26) and she does not deserve to have her life ripped away from  her, because of this sociopathic meglomaniac, his insecurity driven  control issues.
 
 What’s sad is that there is a possibility that I could too be  pregnant. He told her: “If she says she is pregnant, I’m just going to  tell her to call me in 9 months and we’ll see”. Isn’t that horrible?
 
 I really hope I am not pregnant, so I never have to talk to this man again.
 
 I know I don’t know your kiddo super well, but if there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.
 
 (Sorry if this seems rushed, I am typing this at work).
 
 —Adrienne



o  September 24
o    [Shiloh’s mom]
 
 he  tried mending things with his wife when he booted Shiloh out, and now  he’s turned to her when you guys didn’t work out….he just found the  weakest link……it scares me cause i know how calloused he is from the  last time. i was there to rescue her that time but now she’s too far  away and knows absolutely nobody there. he is evil personified. it’ll  only be a matter of time before he kicks her out onto the street  again…..she just doesn’t seem to have any self worth any more. it’s so  frustrating to see these fools that follow him„„,he’s been  transparent to me from the beginning. he’s a predator that separates  families from what he wants, he did it to his wife, almost did it to  Shiloh and sounds like he was trying to do it with you. hopefully she’ll  look back on your convos and do some thinking for herself.
 



o  September 25
o    Adrienne Jourgensen
 
 I sent this to Shiloh already, but this is how I feel about this man.
 
 I  would do anything to help — she is so young and impressionable. I am  serious, if there is anything I can do to help, LET ME KNOW. I don’t  care if it’s in a week or a month, or even a year, from now, my word  stands true. No one deserves to deal with this man and his drama. He  will literally suck her soul from her and leaver her baron and empty  inside.
 
 I feel I shouldn’t delve any deeper into this situation than I  already have, because *I* have already tried to reach out to your baby,  but if YOU or HER feel you need someone to talk to — 512.*******
 Call or text me any time, okay?!
 
 
 
 MIND CONTROL MADE EASY! Become a Cult Leader Today!
 www.youtube.com
 Tired of trying to be a prophet, avatar or visionary but can’t get  anyone to blindly follow you? Have you always wanted to know how to  manipulate people in t…
 Share



o  September 25
o    [Shiloh’s mom]
 
 I  wasn’t allowed to view what you’d sent her, the privacy setting„„but  you don’t know how much i appreciate you trying to help. Now i guess we  just sit back and wait, it won’t take as long to go bad this time as it  did the last. He’ll crack one day, he’s too unstable not to, and then  hopefully no one else will have to go through this.
 
 
How sad.
 
Even  after being contacted by […] and being told that the entire  time he was with me, he was trying to win back Skye, or today when I  noticed a facebook message sent a week into our relationship, from a  girl trying to warn me, claiming he was cybering her while he was with  Shiloh, and with me, all while trying to win back Skye — after all of  this, I just keep my mouth shut and remain backed away from the  situation. Due to the outpouring of support, I realized that people are  catching on and that I no longer needed to say anything — They are  digging their own graves.
 
It’s just so unfortunate.
I know I wrote primarily about the  negative aspects of our short lived relationship, but if there weren’t  positives (and for fucks sake, with the amount of crap I had to deal  with, earth shattering, world rocking, positives), I wouldn’t of  stuck around through all of it. I really liked the boy, what can I say?  Against my better judgement, I really wanted it to work. I tried as best  as I knew how.
What really sucks? We all know going through a breakup is bad enough,  but going through a breakup with hundreds of thousands of people being  involved? Mindfuck, much?
 
There is my story.
The sad thing is there is still more I could write about, but my brain is starting to throb.
 
If you have any questions or want me to elaborate on anything,  please feel free to ask. Also: I apologize in advance for the  inconsistencies of writing formats, but I’ve been typing this off an on  for a good day or so, it was hard to keep the flow going.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2
Adrienne Jourgensen  -  8:54 PM (edited)  -  Public
Seriously? So much drama and confusion.

I only went into that chat because a real life, non-intarwebbz, friend of mine mentioned it and sent me a link. I didn’t believe that it was for real or that people cared enough to make a tinychat about it, so out of curiosity, I clicked on it. The people were friendly and fun, not to mention my friend was already messing around in there, so I stayed and chatted…
Expand this post »
Seriously? So much drama and confusion.

I only went into that chat because a real life, non-intarwebbz, friend of mine mentioned it and sent me a link. I didn’t believe that it was for real or that people cared enough to make a tinychat about it, so out of curiosity, I clicked on it. The people were friendly and fun, not to mention my friend was already messing around in there, so I stayed and chatted. I spent my Friday evening drinking vodka Redbulls with interesting people, saw everyone’s cute kitties (no, not a sexual innuendo), and generally had a good time.
I answered a couple of questions — one of which dispelling a nasty rumor or accusation about the very person of which that chat was created about. I addressed a couple of things in the e-mail I sent to someone, of which is now being passed around on the internet in a similar fashion to how you’d pass notes in class behind your teachers back. Had a couple of 5 minute bitch fits, complete with snarky commentary — which, come on, I’ve kept my mouth shut for so long, let me revel in my 15-20 people tops, tinychat, moment. But largely, I just sat there in a mustache and watched and listened to everyone else talk. That’s basically it, people. Not a big deal.

Geez, and in regards to the infamous e-mail I wrote — I largely wrote it to this individual as means of helping them to better understand the person they had been making videos about for a very long time, and to better understand the situation of which this person has publicly defended me over.

I was naive, and subsequently careless, in thinking that, by some means, it wouldn’t end up in the wrong hands — as the e-mail has private and potentially hurtful information about other people, intended for this person, and this person only, to see. Again, as means for this individual to better understand the situation.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there is definitely some sardonic commentary in that e-mail — Keep in mind that I am a girl, talking about a bad breakup with a boy, and a betrayal of a “friend” who was only my “friend” to get closer to said boy… cut me some slack, I am only human!

Whatever the case may be, there are parts of that e-mail that I even said are to remain private — because whether or not what I was told is true, and no matter how humorous some of it may be, it is still hurtful and embarrassing to have that broadcast publicly to the internet.

I would know how this feels. ‘Dutteh vajayjay’, STDs, and ‘houses’ ring a bell?

Regardless of what I went through myself, I want to formally apologize to those (deserving of my apologies or not) who end up getting hurt as a result of this e-mail. What I wrote was said to show this persons character and how horribly he talks about people he claims to care about, not to tear apart anyone else in the process.

However, I absolutely DO NOT apologize, nor do I feel any sense of remorse, for anything written about the man himself — the person of whom the e-mail is initially about. What I wrote is a completely truthful, and to the best of my memory, accurate account of all the nonsense that happened in the short period of time we dated — again, telling my side of the story. Perhaps if you don’t like people thinking you’re an unstable, sociopathic, emotional bully, you shouldn’t act like one or treat people the way you treated me.

If it is embarrassing to read my e-mail, and re-live your actions through the eyes of another human being, since you are incapable of seeing past your own nose — GOOD!
Maybe instead of what’s predictable — going on a rampant tirade, slinging insults, and trying to convince your world full of adolescents who will not remember your name by the time they are my age, of your innocence and purity — put your camera down and take a moment to really examine the situation for what it is; potential to grow as a person. For once in your sheltered life, can you please learn from your past experiences and not drag them into future endeavors? Can you make all of the hurt, frustration, and public humiliation you put me through, as well as those before me, worthwhile — and stop pointing the finger of blame at everyone else for your problems, stop making excuses, and step up to your responsibility in every thing you do? Step up to your responsibility not only as a man, not only as an adult, but as a HUMAN BEING — have a little compassion and sympathy; realize you aren’t the only one with a heart, or rather, a heart to bruise. And most importantly of all, can you please stop capitalizing on hurt feelings, no matter who they belong to, as means of making your wallet that much fatter?

You project this ‘holier than thou’ image to the public, but let me remind you that you are just as flawed as you made it so crystal clear that I apparently am — but even us flawed people have moral values and try our hardest to live by them. I have yet to see any examples of your moral values and code of ethics — what are they? You say you live your life for love, yet you have so much hate inside of you. Don’t you see the conflict of interest there? You say you fight FOR love, but you don’t — you just fight. You seem to think you have to fight to create love, that love simply cannot exist without excruciating pain — but you spend so much time fighting, that you end up killing the love you so desperately want, and often before the love even had time to plant it’s roots and begin to grow. I also want to remind you that no matter how much you look for love in other people, you will never find what you’re looking for within yourself. These people will never fill your black hole of a heart, they will only feed it’s fury.

You are tyrant who scares people into loving someone who he, himself, deems unworthy to love.

Before you preach matters of the heart to other people, you should learn how to love and respect yourself. I tried to explain this to you before, but you couldn’t let sleeping dogs lie and kept pressing the issue long after it had died off. You were never mad at me, you were only disappointed in yourself — because you failed. So do not get bent out of shape and accuse me of being unable to “move on” (when, if I remember correctly, I was the one who rejected you and your 27 phone calls), all because I told the world what it already knew — that you are a lonely, unhappy and bitter soul.

With all of this being said, the e-mail is already leaked, the damage is done. What further steps are taken are entirely at the mercy of the possessors discretion. I implore anyone who is entertaining the idea of, or who already has, made this public — please keep in mind some of the people who will get unfairly thrown under the bus in the process.

One last thing:
Do you really think I would waste my time writing a very intricate, complex and detail oriented e-mail, over the course of a couple days, with the intent of only one person initially seeing it, if there wasn’t at least one granule of truth to it? What would be the point? The end result is still the same — I have nothing to gain from this, except continual public ridicule and a scathing video or two.
I have no interest or need for subscribers, followers, and view counts — public interest is inconsequential to my lively hood, the only thing that matters to me in regards to public opinion, is when their opinion is biased or misinformed.

We all know the framework of what happened between him and I, I just filled in the blanks.
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Adrienne Jourgensen - I would like to add to the paragraph directed to the people who have the e-mail:

I told you in the tinychat last night that since it’s been leaked anyway, do with it what you will. Go ahead and post it in all of it’s typo filled glory, I have nothing to hide. I am just asking for you guys to snip out the parts, at the very least, about his ex-wife, if not both of them.

His ex-wife in particular has nothing to do with what happened between him and I and that paragraph was only included because the person I originally sent it to has spoken to her before — again, sent as a testament to the man’s character.